kafka on the shore

"Every one of us is losing something precious to us … Lost opportunities, lost possibilities, feelings we can never get back again.  That’s part of what it means to be alive.  But inside our heads – at least that’s where I imagine it – there’s a little room where we store those memories.  A room like the stacks in this library.  And to understand the workings of our heart we have to keep on making new reference cards.  We have to dust things off every once in a while, let in fresh air, change the water in the flower vases.  In other words, you’ll live for ever in your own private library."

"In dreams begins responsibility"

"It's like Tolstoy said. Happiness is an allegory, unhappiness a story."

“Closing your eyes isn't going to change anything. Nothing's going to disappear just because you can't see what's going on. In fact, things will even be worse the next time you open your eyes. That's the kind of world we live in. Keep your eyes wide open. Only a coward closes his eyes. Closing your eyes and plugging up your ears won't make time stand still.” 

“In everybody’s life there’s a point of no return. And in a very few cases, a point where you can’t go forward anymore. And when we reach that point, all we can do is quietly accept the fact. That’s how we survive.” 

“Most things are forgotten over time. Even the war itself, the life-and-death struggle people went through is now like something from the distant past. We’re so caught up in our everyday lives that events of the past are no longer in orbit around our minds. There are just too many things we have to think about everyday, too many new things we have to learn. But still, no matter how much time passes, no matter what takes place in the interim, there are some things we can never assign to oblivion, memories we can never rub away. They remain with us forever, like a touchstone.” 

Courage.

I wish I could write well.

It's really scary how loneliness can really screw someone up.

I've been defeated by loneliness. Was alone,still alone. I long for attention. I mean who doesn't long for attention. Every legit human being needs ATTENTION. To me,attention shows that at least my presence is acknowledged. I hate it when my presence isn't really acknowledged by anyone. I guess it's all due to the scar inflicted from the past. There're some things that you can never ever get over. Even though i'm lonely and long for attention,I've never thought i'll go to this extent. Sometimes,I don't even know who am I anymore. I've my own values and I know despite any circumstances,I'll still stick to my values no matter what. Because it makes up me,my values make me the Rachael that I am. But I lost all my values in just that moment of impulse. What have I done to the purity that i've held on for so long. Some said that it's curiosity,some said that it's loneliness. I think it's a mixture of both. I'm freaking 19,i need a life in certain other aspects man. But this is not the right way. I'm feel so sorry....towards myself. But i've to admit,i kinda like it but it's wrong. PLAIN WRONG. And guys....they're such sexual creatures. Don't they have some respect towards girls? ALL YOU FUCKING GUYS. IF YOU WANT SEXUAL PLEASURE,GO TO SOME MOTHER FUCKING BROTHEL AND NOT GO AROUND HOOKING UP ON INNOCENT GIRLS AND SCREWING THEIR PURE SELFS UP. then again,i'm being too naive again. i can actually be some fucking naive bitch and trust that you will actually wanna know me more and treat me like a fucking normal decent girl after that night. ya...im too fucking innocent. after everything that has happened,i can still be inclined to trust a guy. i'm gonna be fucking skeptical about what a guy fucking says now. and ya im fucking ugly and u still made out with me. so is there a fucking problem with you too. no wonder u didnt reply my text. ya im a fucking screwed up cheap ugly bitch. all you guys i fucking declare my mother fucking hatred towards you guys. never am i gonna be deceived by yall anymore. all guys are the same,motherfucking sexual creatures. i hope you guys get your fucking karma.