ugly world with ugly truths

unveiled the uglier side of mankind ; realized how weak I actually am.

I thought I'm strong enough....but to realize that i was never strong at all. the umpteenth time that i'm repeating this but i really really detest the fact that i get emotionally attached so easily to anything and everything in this fucking world. I get even get emotionally attached to dramas what the flying fuck seriously. Is there some kind of problem with me? Am i just so deprived and needy that i just want to spill a part of me on everything that i know of? holyshit rachael lim. I really want to not give two fucks about everything. Everytime i see a glimpse of hope.i will just hold on it tightly,because i know for someone like me,hope does not come by easily. I'm a fucking needy girl that gets overjoyed when abit of attention is being showered on me. why? because i don't really get any attention from the society. this is what society does to the outcasted ones. whenever i feel that i'm being longed at that moment,i will just plunge myself towards that someone and again,take things too seriously. Desperate is totally the word for me. No one knows except for myself. If i continue venturing out in this world, i will totally go against my own values sooner or later cause im a bitch that gets influenced too easily. I waver too easily. 

Conclusion: i fucking loathe this world. or rather i fucking loathe this world cause my weak self cant handle the ugly sides of mankind. 

Maybe I've nothing to hold on in the present,leading to myself still holding on to the past.

Bad move rachael. 

Afterall,I guess i just wanted to have something to hold on to.

stupid rachael is stupid.

guess i'm someone that holds on to memories too dearly....
almost did something stupid today...again. but i'm glad i didn't.
dear god,i just want to forget all the past that's not worthy of me remembering.
sometimes,it just hurts too much....maybe because i really treasured it. but that doesn't means that the other party feels the same way too.

The journey is not gonna be easy but i'll persevere-to get the body i want.

Slowly...but surely.

I hate how humans poke their nose into my affairs. Don't tell me they care. Some of them just like to pry into other business and give their piece of mind. But however,i'm utterly sorry to say that I don't need your sacred opinion on how should I be leading my bloody life. I don't care if anyone thinks that i'm living life like the wrecked way solely based on the fact that i've been staying out till the wee hours of the morning. Firstly,i'm having my bloody holidays and i'm just enjoying whilst i can before my internship starts and i've to become the slave of working life for the next 4 months. Secondly,it's not like i'm engaging in some illegal activities outside and neither am i acting like a whore outside fucking with guys or whatsoever. I only do things that my conscience allows. Some people just like to see things the negative and paranoid way. c'mon i'm a fucking teenager,cut me some slack ya motherfuckers. don't make me hate all of you guys.

I require attention,long for passion,and wish to be desired.

Needy and insecure-makes up a part of me.

Honestly,I don't get you.

& I'm pissed.

Now that I'm so free,I should start exercising more.

Yes,I should.