I can't accept the fact that till now,you still feel awkward when you see me? what the fuckery. I should be the one that feels that way man. I admit part of me still miss you secretly. If I've the chance to see you,i'll grab it. But whenever i see you,i'll start feeling that tinge of sadness then my emotions will get stirred up and yes,i'll start becoming an emotional wreck. after so long,i thought i'm fucking over you but just to realise that i'm not. someone told me this "getting used to the person's absence doesn't means not harboring anymore feelings for that person." kinda true. i'm just putting you at the back of my mind,but you're still on my mind anyway. Not remembering doesn't means i've forgotten about it. The thoughts of "what if it's not over,things will be bloody hell different now." Yes it definitely will be. But whats the point of all those what ifs,nothing will change. The present won't be altered,i have lost you cause of my juvenile actions and thoughts. I guess i'm taking this so hard and seriously is because i've never really been yearned by anyone before. Since you're the fucking first,i'm definitely taking this more seriously than ever. As I'm typing this,I suddenly thought of You. You are always there loving me,so why am I seeking Mankind's love that is unworthy,that is unpredictable while You,will never ever forsake me. Cause I'm a fucking human. Human always tend to not appreciate the things that are there for them,humans always choose the hard way out. Mankind is so disgusting...i'm disgusted by this ugly world,including myself.
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